Christmas makes me lonely. Just how far and long can I get happy then waste it the rest of the year? It is futile to be happy. Loneliness is just fine.
Christmas is but a story about memory. Sometimes it slips, sometimes it is gone. I am not fond of remembering. The heart has soured until it doesn’t matter anymore. Not even those happy ones.
Christmas comes, Christmas go, just like playful winds that never want to stay. I have no way to make it linger. It’s useless for it to stay.
I have favorite Christmas memories. But I don’t like to remember them this year. They make me lonely. They make me feel old.
Loneliness is just fine.
The cliff is high
I thought as I were to jump
Where’s my mum’s
umbilical chord that has left me swinging like pendulum (?)
The past ten hours
have been humming like a sad cold sea
Where to go?
Where to go?
Fickle minded, dry
and blinded
I see you go, I see you go
Transfiguration like
a sin to myself
Is perfection not
the way to salvation?
So let me in, so let me in
‘Cause I’m scared and
Falling like a
bad, bad star
To your mattress, show
me your spine
‘Cause I’m trying and
it’s a fuck
To your mattress, show me your love
20 something, quarter-life crisis, loss of love, name it, nothing's weird.
