Miracles

July 25, 2006

I think the basic point of life now, as it is in my case, is the waiting for those little miracles.

All the things that we do, if they are not bound with purpose, are a collection of and for this waiting. We go on with our most menial jobs everyday because we are waiting for something, or for someone.

What exactly is this waiting, no one can explain. It is like that kind of waiting for something or for someone for the first time. We can choose to be anxious, and forget to live a life. Or we can be cool about it, because no matter what we do, we will still end up with the miracle that we are waiting for, hopefully sometime.

We wait for the right time, for the right people. And time is not in our frame, but in theirs.

Sometimes, we are given the chance to advance, and take this waiting shorter, to change the playing field and nick time to favor our frame. Few succeed but often times, this is paradoxical and always catastrophic.

So they still end up waiting… waiting for the cure, for salvation, for happiness, and for so many other things.

I wait for the time when I can confidently say that I have done my best and that I deserve everything that I own or take hold of.

I wait for the right job and the right boss who will describe my optimum potential as an engineer or a researcher, and from which I will draw the most fervent passion in my life.

I wait for the right project and the right team which will summon the total definition of all learning that I have mustered.

I wait for the right book which will tell me what is good writing and how is good reading suppose to mean.

I wait for the best line, for that one small piece of grammar (or lack thereof) that will articulate the things I’ve been meaning to (hardly) express all this time.

I wait for the one person who is warmer than the sunshine, to once again melt my cold heart or bring forth the fountain of unequivocal inspiration and tackle my wonders.

I’m waiting for my so many little miracles now. I’m waiting and having coffee at the same time. I’m reading the newspapers while doing this, with my two fingers fidgeting th cigarette.