Sad Day

Today, I am very sad for two reasons: first, my lobster has finally succumbed to 5-month starvation. Yes, Ms. Warfreak is dead and now I hope I would have a new reason for living. I know it was coming. She went to the next life taking with her our little secret: that on the day she will leave me, she will bring a memory of a special person with her. She will help me forget the sad thing that has happened to us and that seemingly futile waiting for the only happiness that that person can bring and which never will come.

Letting go a person is the saddest thing to do for me. It brings me back to that one childhood memory when I woke up alone one afternoon with a very dark sky. I was moving around the house, with the curtains flying all over, crying and found myself alone. Seeing a person go makes me small, so insignificant and alone, much more seeing a person slip away without holding the fight of winning him or her back.

Which brings me to my second reason for being lonely: today, four years ago, my father passed away. I miss him now more than ever, now that our class is studying engineering construction and playing designer-contractor. I remember my father was a very good contractor. The school buildings, public housing and irrigations that he built are still structurally capable and useful today. If he was still alive, I am sure we would be spending long hours over the phone. I have many questions about the things that I study that he would easily understand and explain because of his long years of experience in construction.

But he is not around anymore to guide me so I guess I would just have to take all the learning by myself and make it meaningful the way he would want it if he was still alive.

I remember on the last night that my father was alive, we had a close moment alone together in the hospital. That was the moment I decided to shift to civil engineering and asked for his permission. I told him I would do all my best to become a civil engineer like him someday although not as good and popular as he was. I don’t know if my father would be proud of of how I am doing today but what I am certain is that every moment that I go to my classes has some sweet meaning into it.